Ouch! Why are you poking me?

My flesh wants to avoid this conversation. Let me hid, escape, by numbed by entertainment. Let me rationalize my life. I need to create neatly wrapped packages to cover the areas of my life with general statements that are acceptable to this environment. I need to stay in step with the culture, then I will not lose any ground. I will keep up. And once I have this under control, that I can look at some of those questions and deal with some of that other stuff. I can handle this. Yup, my flesh wants to avoid this conversation. Aren’t I doing enough? I have made sacrifices, don’t I deserve a break, some recognition of what I’ve done right? I am doing right things. Haven’t I managed my behaviors well? Doesn’t my life look good, the good christian playing its part? Let’s through our checklist. Yup, do that, and that. I did that. Well, I can always improve with that, but this is a journey. Nobody expects me to be perfect. It’s okay for me to be in process. That’s why Jesus died right? So I’m doing alright. Oh flesh how you are so good to deceive me. Keep me blind. Keep me naive to the path you lead me on. I may struggle with this and that. I probably could show more self-control with what, but it’s under control. No need worry. Overall I am good. I got this. My intentions are right, good and pure. Okay, good. Got that settled. Just need to breath to move forward.

What? Did you someone say something? Spirit is that you? Ouch! Did you just poke me? What’s up with that? Aren’t you happy and well I am managing this life? Doesn’t it look good? What? You want to open up this package. Why? Because you love me. Spirit, we just wrapped it up. Don’t you like the ribbon? Did i hear you right? You don’t want it wrapped? Why? But that feels messy? Isn’t it better for people to walk into a clean house then to have my stuff lying everywhere? Huh, it’s that important to you. Well, sure I respect your opinion. But what if others can see inside? What if those questions I don’t know about are revealed? Or, what if those fears and emotions I don’t know how to deal with start spilling out? What will happen? I think we have done a good job keeping the lid on so why create a mess if we don’t have to?

We have to? You want to teach me something? Well of course I trust God. If I trust Him, I can open this box? I don’t understand. God wants me to be a good example and live well. Opening this box doesn’t do that. Ouch! I don’t like it when you poke me. Well of course I want to live in freedom. Then I have to open the box. Okay I don’t get it. But how about we do this. Let’s revisit this on Saturday. That way, if the box really needs to be opened, we can do that with no one around and have time to put it back together again. That’s a good plan right? What? Why? I’m not whining. You want to start now? heavy sigh. Well yes I trust you, I’m just nervous. Okay, well flesh we can do this. Let’s take a minute to prepare ourselves and create a strategy so we can feel okay about this. Okay, Spirit I think I am ready. But let’s move slow and start with the ribbon. What? You want me to wait. Oh okay, do you want to change your mind? No…ouch.  What is that? You want me to open that one too? What? and that one? Okay now you are just getting carried away. Yes of course I trust God. But God said He would never give me anything that I can’t handle. What? That’s misquoting Scripture? Spirit you are just confusing me. You want me to let you open the boxes? I don’t feel good about this. Now I feel like you have created another box I have to wrap. I need order in my life and I can’t keep going with all this talking.