I just got back from church, thankful I went. I feel my own time with the Lord this morning was distracting. All these thoughts and pretend conversations were coming to mind w/ every member of my family. I finally cried out to Jesus, help me! I can see and explain past hurts, unresolved issues, wrongs that have been done, but to what end. where is peace for the mind? only in Christ. On this day, I felt like the Lord has brought to mind everything that only He can handle and deal with. As He hung on the cross and looked up to heaven, he said Father forgive them. What is it like to live with such compassion and awareness of eternity that you hold no emotion against anyone? a security in the Lord, an awareness of eternal separation from God, a love that goes beyond our comprehension. This morning, I felt like God asking me would you hold something against someone else b/c it makes you feel justified? There is so much I don’t understand. There are so many relationships that I do not have control over. The only thing I have control over is the choice of surrendering to Jesus and trusting Him with every emotion. That I would live with love, forgiveness and compassion, grace and mercy. Just as He loved, and is loving me, may I love others. Forgive me as I forgive others. I can say the Lord’s prayer so easily, but am I truly living it out? I am broken, imperfect and wanted to be justified. But who I am. At church after reading Mark 15 the pastor spoke from Romans 5.6-11. He started with a quote from John Stott-“Before we can begin to see the cross as something done for us, we have to see it as something done by us.” In Romans it describes us as weak, ungodly, sinners, and enemies of God. Allowing the reality of my true nature a part from Christ to sink in allows me to desperately cling to the cross and be so grateful for the gift of salvation that was made possible on this day of remembrance when Jesus Christ willingly died for our sin and clothed us new.